Training Your Children in Purity Without Making Them Dirty

This post is from contributor, Jenn Hoskins

Have you ever just dropped to your knees, feeling helpless, after witnessing the impurity of this world?

How do we best train our children to be pure in such a dirty world? How do we do it without stirring impure thoughts and actions? It is possible but it is a road we must travel with bravery and humility. Purity is just as important as any other character quality you will teach your children.

Most important, we do not teach them to fear impurity. We teach them that it is wrong, it is sin, and we do not pursue it because we fear God. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Show them how to begin walking in wisdom.

Next, forget the H-word…. Hypocrite. My guess is that most of you have walked an impure life in one way or another. I know statistically, 50% of the moms who read this will have a husband battling a pornography addiction. I know that many of you, like me, may have had a child born out of wedlock. Perhaps it is a former drug addiction, divorce, sex outside of marriage, or many other things.

So where do we, as hypocrites, start when trying to train our children to do as we say but not as we did? We remind them we were wrong. We sinned. We remind them there is grace and that Jesus nailed it all, including our impurity and sin, to the cross. We are not hypocrites. We are forgiven. So now, we train them to make different choices.

Speak clearly and often about sin, repentance, where you have stumbled, what you have learned in the Bible and through prayer. Never let them think you have reached perfection. Transparency is key to keeping their hearts. They must know you are human or they will not trust you with their own fallen humanness. Will they speak to you when they stumble?

Define what pornography is without a lot of details. The average age of exposure for children is 11. When my children first got computers, along with Covenant Eyes filter software, I knew I had to be clear just in case a filter wasn’t perfect. I explained it like this, “It is pictures of men or women undressed, acting like married couples.” Sure enough, my 11 year old came to me and said, “Mom, I think I just saw pornography on my computer. Please make sure my filter is working.” If we didn’t have a game plan he wouldn’t have been prepared. Rather than chase it down he knew to guard his eyes and come to me.

Don’t just give a list of don’ts. Give a list of dos! DO follow God. DO think of your future spouse before making any decisions about relationships. DO remember that you will stumble and grace is applied, though that is not a license to sin. DO guard your eyes because you cannot unsee images. DO guard your ears because you cannot unhear things. DO guard your mouth because the tongue holds a lot of power.

One of the most uncomfortable topics for parents is sex. You do not need long drawn out conversations about intimacy with a 6 year old, 10 or 15 year old. Just answer questions as they come up, age appropriately. Answer honestly and with enough information until they are satisfied. A big mistake is waiting until a big talk. It should be a series of trust building talks over time. You homeschool, so they are by your side a vast majority of the time. This is as easy as talking about any other topic the Bible covers, as long as you keep lines of communication open.

Warn of the dangers of the world. I have had basic conversations with my children about the horror of human trafficking. I have told them how to stay safe and pure when the world wants to devour children’s purity. Magazine racks, store displays, commercials, TV, even music, have undertones of sexuality strewn throughout them. Many of these streams not only contaminate and desensitize our children but also fund human trafficking.

They know that avoiding such things not only keeps themselves pure but shows that they stand for protecting innocent people stuck in that horrific world. The Superbowl is the largest human trafficking event each year. Underage models wear bikinis on magazine covers. Show your children their power to stand up against these things.

Lastly, and most importantly, saturate them in truth! The Word of God says we can be pure, not because we have the ability on our own, but because Jesus, through the cross, has paid our debt and purifies our hearts! Isn’t that amazing! If you have repented and put your faith in Him, then you now have the ability to walk in purity, no matter what your past says. That means you also have the ability to train your children in purity. He has freed you so you are no longer a hypocrite, you are a freed prisoner of the bondage of sin warning others never to walk into the prison of impurity!

Preach on, Momma! I pray that the Lord equips you to speak openly and honestly with your children about this every day.

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Jenn Hoskins

Jenn Hoskins is a wife, homeschooling mom of 6 and daughter of the great King! Her ministry, Mommy Evangelism, runs with the mission statement One Family, One Gospel, One Mission. Motivating moms to ensure their children are part of one family, God’s family, sharing the one true Gospel and focusing on the one mission, to Go and make disciples. You can find her at www.MommyEvangelism.org.

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