This post was written by Danika Cooley of Thinking Kids. Originally published Sept. 2013.
I’m just going to come right out and say it: I’m one of those homeschoolers.
I came out of the school system. I use curriculum — lots of it. I have a schedule — for the day, the week, and the year. (Actually, I have a schedule for all twelve years, but we don’t need to talk about that.) Everyone is up, showered, and dressed for school by 8am and we don’t quit until 3:30pm, Monday through Friday, except for a morning break and a lunch break. We have a school room — and we use it.
But I feel guilty.
I read blog posts and forum discussions about delight-driven learning, schooling at Starbucks, schooling in pajamas, and the learning lifestyle. I read articles bemoaning the loss of the “golden days of homeschooling” when there was no curriculum — there was just a library card and the great outdoors. I see that if my kids know three languages, but don’t have godly character, I’ve failed. I learn that there are children who can manage a home, a business, and the daily meals, too.
And I wonder if I’m doing it all wrong. I wonder if my children aren’t having enough fun. I worry that maybe they’re not exploring enough, researching enough. I fret about whether they’re delighted enough. My kids do know three languages. What if I’m messing up their character? What if their homes fall apart because they can’t cook a five-course meal yet?
Usually, I hit my husband with all of these questions as soon as he’s eating dinner. Because, you know, an anxious (or maybe neurotic) wife is good for digestion. He reminds me that we’ve prayed about our choices. We’ve examined God’s Word, discussed our options, and waited for answers.
We’re not teaching Greek in our homeschool because we want to appear more godly, or because we hope to brag about it. We’re learning Greek (oh, my goodness, my brain is too old and rusty for the Cyrillic alphabet!) because we felt led to teach it. Hours later, our children asked us to teach it. Confirmation? We thought so.
He reminds me that the kids enjoy what they’re learning, they like the hours of read-alouds, they love the Bible, and they spend many delight-driven afternoons and weekends. He maintains that our kids are learning patience, perseverance and Latin. He reminds me it’s all going to be OK.
Why am I sharing all this with you?
I wonder if maybe you feel guilty as well. Maybe your guilt isn’t about classical schooling when everyone you know is unschooling. Maybe you are anxiously weighing phonics versus sight-words. You might be concerned that your children are missing out on friends. Perhaps your chronic illness cuts into your days. Maybe you worry that your math skills will never measure up, that you’ve chosen the wrong curriculum, or that your days aren’t structured enough.
I just want to remind you that a Holy Spirit-led homeschool is the right homeschool for you.
If you are praying, searching His Word, and listening to His direction, you my friend are in the right spot. God knows our kids, He knows our families, and He knows us — the teachers. You know those gifts and talents you have? He gave those to you. Those children you’re worrying over? He gave you those, too.
Here’s one last little secret: God allowed your limitations as well. In His sovereign wisdom, He knows what is best.
I’m a classical homeschooler with a serious Charlotte Mason-ish bent and a focus on the Bible. And I’m OK with it. I’m letting go of the homeschool guilt. At least until dinnertime.
Latest posts by Free Homeschool Deals (see all)
- Saxon Math 3 Resources - March 31, 2025
- Wonderings eZine - February 27, 2025
- All About Me Coloring Page Bundle - February 24, 2025
- FREE Valentine’s Day Printables, STEM Activities, & Experiments! - February 4, 2025
- Top 10 STEM/STEAM Activities for the Winter Months! - December 2, 2024
Preach it sister! I REALLY needed this today!!!!! Can you re-post this on a regular rotation???? UGH!
It’s funny, when I am at my most down-est(Seriously? Can a homeschool mom actually use that word?) moments, the Lord lovingly sends one of my children to tell me something they appreciate about the way we homeschool.
Oh my Goodness! Thank you for posting this. It’s just what I needed today. I feel this way ALL THE TIME and am constantly having to remind myself that my kids DO get “play time”. Maybe not as much as the “Delight-Directed” children, but they do enjoy what they’re learning. Some days–like today–I feel like maybe I’m doing too much and not leaving room for other “extras” I ‘d like to do with the kids. But that’s what is so great about homeschooling–we can adjust our schedule, routine, curriculum…any time we’re called to!
Thank you for posting this. It’s just what I needed today. I feel this way ALL THE TIME and am constantly having to remind myself that my kids DO get “play time”. Maybe not as much as the “Delight-Directed” children, but they do enjoy what they’re learning. Some days–like today–I feel like maybe I’m doing too much and not leaving room for other “extras” I ‘d like to do with the kids. But that’s what is so great about homeschooling–we can adjust our schedule, routine, curriculum…any time we’re called to!
Thanks for this, I needed to hear it today! My oldest is only kindergarten but I already feel like we never do enough (even though I know better). I need constant reminding.
YES! Thank You. Heavenly Father told me to do this and I followed through. He knew what woyld happen and what each of us need. Its not like I have not gotten tons of confirmation with things coming to the fair that fit the curr he told me to buy. Or the free events that fit the curr perfectly.
Days I was sooo sick I beat myself up thinking we missed soo much then we opened the books and found outI had supplemented the exact stuff earlier so we had already done it. Finding the perfect movie lets skip three chapters on a day your child is acting out. Yes. Thank you I needed the reminder. No regrets and I did recieve confirmation this is what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. If I do right by him my child will be taken care of.
Oh, I am sure most of us NOT teaching their kids three languages, don’t stay in the class 8-3:30 wonder if we are doing it all wrong too. We are women. We are bound to second guess our selves at every turn. I suppose that is one thing that drives us to be better. The trick is to not believe those lies that get whispered (or screamed) in our ears saying that we are never enough. =)
You have wonderful timing (dare I say “divine”) of your blog post! Thank you!
I 2nd that! After graduating a son from our homeschool, and now schooling a 1st grader, I worry all the time it’s never enough! I feel as if eyes are on us everyday, judging us, timing our school day, looking over my shoulder to correct papers, listening to how well he is reading…..and the whole day, doubt creeps on and makes me wonder am I doing enough????
I used to fret, and worry, and feel so guilty all the time as a homeschool Mom for the exact OPPOSITE reasons that you write about. We pulled our daughter from public school because she was failing to thrive in that environment both socially and academically. It took me YEARS to get over the guilt of not having an 8:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. school day, five days per week. I felt like a total failure as a mother, much LESS an educator. Then one day, the Lord graciously opened my eyes to just how much my daughter was learning and how she was retaining and understanding where she never had before. Such a blessing. She is 16 years old now, and working on her 12th grade year of high school. My husband and I are very proud of her; not because of anything we’ve done, but because we were able to get past our own reservations and allow her to learn her way. She’s definitely a success story. 🙂
Not too long ago I read a similar post of a mom letting go of the guilt and inferiority because she had put her kids in public school! Ah, we ALL have these feeling, don’t we?! I needed this reminder. I have homeschooled for years and love it, but this year I have been struggling. We live in an area of the country with many well-to-do two income families, and this year the “theme” of my guilt is that perhaps I’m doing my family a disservice by being at home instead of working.
I homeschooled for 18 years and I am not sure what homeschoolers you are talking about. It was my experience that every one I knew did things that they want to do and the only guilt we felt was worrying that we were not doing enough – I didn’t know anyone who worried they did too much. Maybe homeschooling has seen a major shift but in my day we ALL used curriculum and I personally did not meet anyone in all my years who only used a library card and the great outdoors.
“I just want to remind you that a Holy Spirit-led homeschool is the right homeschool for you.” I am going to write that down on an index card and put it on my desk where I can see it regularly. Thank you for this encouraging reminder of the freedom we have in Him. A Holy Spirit-led homeschool is truly the right homeschool…whatever that looks like for each family.
I sooo needed this! Homeschooling two little ones for preschool who are developmentally delayed, I have so many doubts, am I teaching them enough? Not enough? Should they go to special school? What will they use when we start the elementary years? THANK YOU! I just breathed a sigh of relief!
That made me laugh, Belle! I love making up words, so I say it’s OK. I have to let go of the guilt on a regular basis!
I’m glad it spoke to you, Lori. I know my kids have SO much more playtime than they did when they had homework!
God bless your year, Kathryn. Your kids are blessed to have a mama willing to pour into their lives.
God is good! 🙂
That’s exactly my point! (So glad you caught that!) I’m not enough. But HE is. I love 2 Corinthians 12:1-10. Verses 9 and 10 say: “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” I am so weak. But Christ is strong.
God’s timing is always so much better than mine. I’m glad this was useful to you, Deb.
God bless you for sacrificing to educate your children at home, Teri. I believe that when we disciple our children, they will be blessed. Love them and point them to Jesus — that’s our motto.
I’m so glad the Lord has blessed your daughter through your faithfulness. That’s a great testimony. Thanks, Trixie!
Nicole, God knew just what He was doing when He gave you those little people. Rest in His sovereignty and trust His plan and timing! God bless your homeschool journey.
I have never read an article where a homeschool mom that approaches it like you feels guilty! Thank you! This speaks to the idea that the enemy will creep in and let ALL OF US feel guilty. Thank God for husbands that remind us of our goals and mission for our children and our homeschools! I am a former educator like you, and I feel like I am constantly falling short because I can’t pull off doing it the way you do. I struggle with feeling inadequate because we are more laid back (as laid back as nine kids, ages 10 mths to 11 years, can be)! This post is so encouraging to me. We forget that we often homeschool so that our kids can have the scenario that works best for them in light of our family structures and hopes of focusing more on Christ, and we fall into that comparison trap so often. Thank you for your thoughts on this. I am preparing to share with a handful of women interested in homeschooling tomorrow, and this couldn’t have come at a better time!
Jenny, I am certain we all feel doubt. But, discipling your children is never a waste. It’s a service of love to both your kids and to your Savior! God bless your faithfulness!
~Danika
Karen, I wrote this the week I read a number of blog posts and homeschool magazine articles about the subject. I think we all have a tendency to worry regardless of where we land on the spectrum. How wonderful that you were able to homeschool for 18 years! That’s a blessing. 🙂
~ Danika
I’m so glad it was encouraging to you, Susannah. I know God’s will for my life is ALWAYS best!
~ Danika
I hope your time of sharing went well, Jamie! Yes, I feel guilty. I just added two toddlers to our homeschool, and now I feel guilty for entirely different reasons! God bless your service to your nine kids. I know that that many ages necessitates schooling a little differently. Thanks so much for commenting. 🙂
~ Danika
This week has been filled with the familiar fears you wrote of here. We are going through transition due to the loss of my homeschool helper, and I find myself questioning everything! I have 5 children whom I have always schooled as diligently as each year would allow (extended family illness, unemployment, the birth of babies, deaths in the family have oftentimes put us on different tracks), and the last two years 2 friends of the family have also joined the ranks of homeschoolers at our house. Yes, that makes 7. Most days feel disorganized and chaotic, but then again I am naturally a person of order, an order that will not again exist until my homeschooling days are behind me, I fear! Last year, my mother died, and that made for a school year I have not yet recovered from. Now that the dust is settling, I am looking around me trying to determine which direction our school is heading. Guilt has settled over me like a blanket, once again, as fI feel unsettled about this most recent turn in events (the loss of my helper). My only solace is the Lord. I keep returning to the truth that the Spirit has led me to where we are today. I can rest in that! As uncertain as things may seem, I can always rest in that.