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Reader Question: “I am really struggling with homeschooling my 4-year old daughter. She is easily distracted and just not interested in learning. Any suggestions?”
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Just today my 4 year old daughter, who I have had a difficult time trying to do anything school-like with, said that she wanted to “play” school. So she got her little backpack, filled with toys, pretended to drive herself to school, and then I became teacher mommy and she worked on her Brainquest K book. She wants to play it every day, so I am hoping to continue this and plan some activities for her to do while she is “playing” school. She also enjoys playing ABCmouse.com and games on PBS kids. Her favorite shows are Super Why, Word Girl, and The Cat in the Hat Knows A lot about That on PBS. I try to balance her intake of computer and TV with a lot of time to have imaginative play, but when she does I like that she really enjoys the educational programs.
With my son, now age 6, I did very little formal schooling at age 4. He just wasn’t interested. His birthday is in December, so we actually had him in a private preschool 3 year old class at the time. The following school year, we started Classical Conversations, but even with that we did very little formal work. We listened to the memory work CDs mainly, and he learned to write his name. My daughter is about to turn 4 and is a different story altogether. She has taught herself how to write her name already. She wants to sit down when her brother does to do school work. She can’t wait to be in a K4 Classical Conversations class. I have some curriculum ideas on standby for her for 2 reasons: I need the structure of her joining in some of our necessary homeschool time, and she’s motivated. But she still has that short attention span, so we will be extremely flexible. What I always read about schooling children this age is let them play! Direct their learning through play. And read, read, read to them. They have their whole lives to “do school”.
She’s easily distracted because she’s far too young for formal schooling. One of the worst mistakes you can make is trying to replicate the broken institutional model in your home. At that age, simply DO things together!
Ruth Beechick’s “Three R’s” and Dr. Ray and Dorothy Moore’s “Better Late than Early” are great places to start!
Oh goodness! Four years old? Of course she’s not interested in memorizing and sitting still 🙂 Let her play. Give her toys that might challenge her brain, but in the end, at four years old, it’s all about play. The learning can come later. Play is essential for the preschool brain.
Let her learn through play!! With my almost 4 year old we sing a lot (ABCs is a favorite, along with Old MacDonald!), we play with trucks/trains which gives an opportunity to talk about less/more, colors, counting, we go for long walks and observe what is outside…there are plenty of opportunities with a 4 year old that don’t involve “school”. And of course, read!
Dance with her to ABC, number, charactering building songs….anything educational! Learning and burning some energy!
I have a 3 1/2 year old and I agree with mixing it up and have fun. I’ll give her a bit of instruction through some printables I put into her own little notebook with pages with sheet protectors, lots of stickers and dry erase makers. Right now she love My little Pony so we do a lot of easy things like shapes and numbers and letters. We’ll do that right after breakfast and she gets a pony break. Lunch, exercise, painting and then read books. And keep it flexible, go outside and study snails and leaves…take pictures or collect them. We went to aquarium a couple of weeks ago so its been ‘fish month’ with tons of books and movies about fish. But its also a comprise that and you can simply explain to hear if she wants TV she’ll have to a little bit of this or that too.
I am pretty much in your same boat, and it can be pretty discouraging. I think it really depends on what you mean by “school”. I have ran into so many people that say “How could you even think of doing school with a 4 year old! They need to play!” and it always rubs me the wrong way. On one hand you have people saying that, and on the other you have people saying “My four year old can read on a second grade level, can yours?” It’s a lose-lose! People that don’t currently have preschoolers might not realize that there are so many great hands on activities, etc… online that are for learning that incorporate play. You can totally do preschool without even using any kinds of workbooks or things like that. If you are trying to do worksheets, etc… and she won’t have anything to do with it, put those away for a few months, get on Pinterest and find some activities to do that practice ABC’s, numbers, shapes, etc… See if she is interested in those, then add in the other stuff a bit at a time. You may already be doing this, and if so, just keep trying, mama! Do what you feel is right for your family and your little one and don’t let anyone pressure you one way or the other – and don’t pressure yourself! She will pick up on it soon enough!
I read to my 4.5 year old all the time. We started with the Sonlight “Exploring God’s World” and worked through those stories and activiities and also did my own thing. I used a lot of my preschool resources from when I taught. I allow him to play then bring him to the table for a 30 min lesson/craft time then we play some more and do some learning games together. he is very eager to learn so I tap into that enthusiasm and go with it. We were at the dr;s the other day and he wanted to read the medical chart so that was a lesson in the anatomy of the ear. I look for teachable moments when they come. We are always learning.
I have a 4yr old. Right now we just let him lead the way. We are working on Math-U-See Primer and have completed Hooked on Phonics Kindergarten. I print a lot of stuff off from 1+1+1 and Confessions of a Homeschooler (all their freebies that I find relevant) and we work on those as we see fit. We break it up typically. Calendar in the morning and if he still wants to continue on we do two lessons out of MUS and then about that time he is ready to go play and do something else so we let it be and then he’ll come back and ask to do more so that’s what we do. No pressure. That is the beauty of homeschooling. We school a lot on the floor on our stomachs or comfy on the couch. Not always sitting at a table. Just let your child lead the way.
In all honesty what 4 year old wants to sit still to do anything? She is 4! She is adventurous and wants to play. SO let her. Find ways to add her “school work” into her play time. Even preschools have learning play. My 6 year old just started showing interest in wanting to learn to read. One of the greatest things about homeschooling is that you can do things on your child’s schedule not on the school systems timeline. Have fun and learn with her and she will come around.
I second what Jennifer is saying, wholeheartedly! There is no need for “school.” What she needs is a good solid relationship with her family, which sets the foundation for spiritual and moral/character training. THEN, she will develop the self-disciplne needed to give focused attention to learning “stuff,” if that’s necessary. Many people are more than happy to learn in a “schooly” manner, but most will flourish when let loose on the world. The only reason people start to “hate learning” is because they are forced to learn things they are not ready to learn. PLAY, PLAY, PLAY with her. You can introduce games that might be “educational,” but for the most part, just being together and learning how to get along and resolve conflict is plenty for a child this age.
My 4 almost 5 year old loves to do school with her 6 year old sister. We are using the http://www.allinonehomeschool.com getting ready sections. Easy and entertaining.
Carly, I hear what you’re saying. It can be frustrating living in a society with such mixed messages. But I tell you, my first child went to preschool and pre-k before I decided to home-educate, and it took a few more years for him to really learn to read. My second child learned how to read on his own, with absolutely NO formal instruction, no preschool, etc. at age 4. I think it’s more a matter of an individual’s readiness than it is “schooling.” per se. There are lots of learning activities that are fun and not schoolish. If you are spending time with your child, you will be engaging them in educational play (all play is educational) and hopefully reading to/with them a ton. When they are interested in learning something, their self-motivation is the best teacher. I’m not saying you shouldn’t introduce ideas or concepts when you think it’s appropriate, but to force them to “sit and learn this,” is very de-motivating, especially at a young age. Another person suggested reading “Better Late than Early” by Raymond and Dorothy Moore. I highly recommend this too. In the end, does it matter if you child learns to read at 4, or 7, or 11? No, it doesn’t, other than for our convenience. I know it is hard to not compare to what others can do. We have at least 2 kids on our block that have qualified for the GATE program in our public schools. One of them is in first grade, and she just skipped her Kindy year because she was so “advanced.” She’s incredibly immature though and the pressure this child is under is tremendous. Even my kids have mentioned to me that her relationship with her mother is not close or good. It’s very sad. I’m not saying that kids should be held back, but that they need to be seen and understood in their entirety. They don’t need to rule the roost, so to speak, but we need to be aware of their development and take into account their capabilities and interests when we are requiring something of them.
I really think it depends on the child and the family b/c each child and family are different and have different visions and goals. On the technical side, and for the time being/as a starting point to our homeschooling journey, I have guaged our goals by the standards that need to be met in Kindergarten public school. My daughter would start K in public school just as she turned 5 years old. She started Classical Conversations in August, as a preschool program, soon after she turned four and has absolutely loved it! It provides so much fun in learning and builds amazing confidence when she realizes what she can do – and having other children her age doing the same is even more fun for her. CC went so well that we introduced a phonics program and Saxon K math in January and it’s going great! So, we do have official, “School Time” in our home and we have goals….and she and I both love it! She is very wiggly and has a hard time focusing AND she is very happy and has a lot of fun while she’s doing it! She came out of my womb eager to learn and is excited about everything she’s doing! The wiggling and focusing problem is frustrating for ME BUT I stop and remember that the, “work” really doesn’t have to begin until their in 1st grade. CC’s a great resource – when you see your child smiling and laughing while dancing and singing the names of the Greek and Roman gods, or about the Fall of Rome, or skip counting her 8’s, it’s all good! And she’s learning and happy. We spend 1.5hrs on, “school” and use the rest of our days for other fun activities (nature walks, cooking, planting, playground, swimming, playing with toys, reading books, dressing up, church activities, karate, family visits, etc.) I don’t think it’s fair to put a, “4 year old” boundary on a child. So let your boundary be this question: What do they need to know by the time they would normally enter 1st grade in public school (6yrs old in our case)? Answer that question and just have fun getting there.
Honestly, I have a 3 yr old. We’ve been playing “school” since she way 2. Now before anyone goes bashing my methods – this is at MY DAUGHTERS insistence. She is my oldest and she enjoys her “school” time because it’s the time that she and Mommy spend together. We play games with the alphabet, we count different things and learn about adding and taking away, we do a bible chapter everyday from her kiddy bible, we do her tracing workbook, we paint, we do playdough, we colour, we use alpha and number stickers to solve problems. Basically we make it FUN. That’s the biggest thing with the younger age groups. Make sure it’s enjoyable time and break it down into short easy lessons as yes, they are very distractable when they are young. Make sure that if they are not enjoying what they are doing you switch very quickly to something they find more enjoyable. At this age group a lot of it has to do with there interests. For instance, my daughter from a young age had an obsession with letters so we learned the alphabet, then she went on to have an obsession with sign language (we did baby signing) and so now she can have almost a full conversation in signing alone because we focused on that for so long. Now she’s loving numbers so we’re counting EVERYTHING under the sun (even her raisins and pieces of cereal at breakfast). Also we try and do themes, like at the moment we are doing plant life cycles so my daughter has her own little garden patch (she’s growing chives, mint, and some wildflowers) and we work in different books and worksheets each time we tend to our gardens. But honestly, it’s not to young for home education as long as you look at it from their point of view and make it something that they enjoy doing! G/L 🙂
BTW – We are using The Well Trained Mind as a guide. It has given our family a lot of peace b/c it gives a good basis for understanding what the child needs to know and when. There is plenty of flexiblity in that.
I have been homeschooling for almost a full 9 years. I have 7 children ages 3 to 14. There is nothing wrong with her not being able to sit still. There is also noting wrong with doing school with a 4 yod. I have done preschool with some children and not with others. Outside of my 8yod that also cannot sit still, they all LOVE school. He loves school but we have to be creative sometimes. I have done more preschool with my younger children but it’s mostly coloring, dot-a-dot markers, and gluing into their ABC notebook. They want to be included. Some people use a full curriculum. I never wanted to spend the extra money. We’re all so different. Which brings me back to your daughter. If mom’s are as varied in their schooling and approaches to homeschooling, children will be just as varied in their learning. There are 4 yours that can sit for long periods of time. Don’t let others tell you differently. I have had a couple. It’s possible you don’t have one I those though. 🙂 so you’ve got to think outside the box. Building the habit of school into a 4yod’s routine is a great thing. But think outside the box. ABCs can be sung jumping on a trampoline. So can counting. (The trampoline is my 8yods favorite place to do flash cards. I invested in a rebounder so he has a place to jump whe n he can’t sit still. My 4yod loves dry erase boards so she des a lot of copy work (shhh!! Don’t tell her that!!) on a dry erase board. We read as much as my time will allow. If I plan anything sit down, it’s only 10-15 minutes a day and I vary the activities from day to day. We don’t do school on Wednesdays or Thursdays right now because of piano and Bible study for mom. We try to play outside as much as weather will allow. I am of the opinion that discipline and structure for small children can and should be achieved. But we’re not drill sergeants. We’ve got to respect their littleness. So by all means, have a schedule and do some school. But educate to her bent, which right now seems to be wiggling around everywhere. :). (On a side note, check her diet and make sure she is getting plenty of exercise. My 8yod cannot have foods with dyes in them or additive. We’ve just went to a very natural as close to nature diet and saw tremendous improvement. Now I only have to pull him out of a tree once a day. ;).
My only ‘goal’ for 4 yrs was for them NOT to hate school. I wasn’t so much interested in what they learned – as long as I didn’t ruin the experience for them. To have a rising Kindergartener filled with dread at the thought of school . . . defeated my whole purpose.
Hi. I didn’t read the other post, so I apologize if I repeat something. It sounds like she needs more time for “free play”. If she loves to be read to let her quietly play by you and read a story. To me you have been learning with her since birth. Are you trying to model her education on the public school? You might be forcing her into something she is not ready for. When we brought our oldest home; half way through gr. 1, I had to step back and slow them right down. I took them back to the beginning of learning to read. Eight years later they are reading novels, history, and anything of interest. We borrow 30-50 books every two weeks from the library. Our children still do other things besides reading. Now I am starting to look into high school!!! Don’t rush, enjoy these early years because you will blink and she will be spreading her wings 🙂 It pleases my heart to hear from another caring HS mom. I don’t feel so alone in this HS journey. Blessings.