Encouraging Sibling Relationships

Since last fall, our family has not taken any foster placements while we prepared for and adjusted to the arrival of our daughter, from Ethiopia, in December. While everyone in our family agrees that we are not ready for additions to our family, I have been hearing that they miss having other children to play with.

My children have a lot of friends, and enjoy regular get-togethers with our homeschool group; however, they still miss having other sibling-like people in our home. I had to think this over.

For years now, my two middle daughters have been inseparable. They are only 19 months apart in age, and have always enjoyed playing the same things here at home, despite having different hobbies. Now that my older daughter is 12, I have found that their 19-month gap is widening. My older daughter is not interested in playing with dolls and Barbies any longer. My younger daughter does not understand her loss of interest. I have explained the best I can that this time will pass and soon they will share interests again.

But until that day comes, what happens?

To help close the gap, I encouraged them to respect and not condemn each other’s differences and choices. Next, I encouraged them to list things that they still like to do together, like swimming and biking, and make a conscious effort to continue them. They both agreed that they still want to remain close, and they were glad to realize that there are still many things that they can do together. Finally, we decided we needed to find some substitute sibling-friend options available for them to play with.

So who do I consider a sibling-friend?

When I was growing up, I had a neighbor. We were, and still are, close like sisters. Whenever my sisters did not want to play a game with me, or they were busy, I just called my neighbor. We would cross the small field that separated our homes and play for hours. My younger sister and I were both extremely close with our neighbor, who is five years younger than I am. Sometimes the three of us played together, while other times we played in different pairs.

Unfortunately, there are not children in our neighborhood for my children to play with. I considered our other options, and my own childhood. Then it occurred to me that last fall my long ago sister-neighbor’s family of six had moved back into our town, and lived about a five minute drive down the road. While she does not live close enough for our children to cross the field anytime they want to play together as we did, she is close enough to drive to on a whim.

One quick phone call has led to many delightful play dates already. What a blessing to both families that we have this option. Knowing how much she meant to me as a child, I am thankful that my own children will also have a chance at this same relationship, with the extra bonus that this will be a second generation bond.